with your own penis?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize