He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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