you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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