she woke up with a sticky ear
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can you bring me the toilet please
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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