Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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