My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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