I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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