You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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