the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize