Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize