I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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