I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm having to shit out rocks
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