i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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