I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need a beard to bite.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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