WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
we're so committed to being not committed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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