remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he thought i was a dude.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize