Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize