Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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