Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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