so let's talk penis.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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