i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize