I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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