I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize