I smell stomach acid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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