I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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