Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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