That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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