I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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