1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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