forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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