I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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