How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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