Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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