woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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