I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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