all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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