I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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