i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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