I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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