I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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