I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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