i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
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We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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