tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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