she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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