i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize