shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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