My liver just broke up with me...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize