this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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