Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I look better un-naked...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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