my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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